


Not Ruinous, but Illuminating

by surefireshore



Series: SurefireShore's Writuary 2020 [7]
Category: Pride and Prejudice (2005)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Missing Scene, POV Darcy, Pining, Self-Doubt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-09
Updated: 2020-01-09
Packaged: 2021-02-20 07:10:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22180102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/surefireshore/pseuds/surefireshore
Summary: The missing scene where Darcy finds out what his aunt said to Elizabeth at Longbourn, but more importantly what Elizabeth said to his aunt.i'm wanted this scene to exist for v long now and writuary has finally given me the excuse to write itWrituary Day 7: Ruinous (in Lady Catherine's opinion)Edit: this is now missing sceneS and also covers . . .Writuary Day 8: Luminous
Relationships: Elizabeth Bennet/Fitzwilliam Darcy, Fitzwilliam Darcy & Catherine de Bourgh
Series: SurefireShore's Writuary 2020 [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1589320
Comments: 18
Kudos: 226
Collections: Writuary 2020





	1. Ruinous

**Author's Note:**

> i promise i wrote this yesterday but it was v late and i had to go to bed like a reasonable adult instead of posting it. also i did not expect to write a full 500 words after such a long day
> 
> but so i'm glad it exists in the world now :) i hope you enjoy!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Lady Catherine de Bourgh arrives at Netherfield and disrupts Darcy's perfectly normal evening

“Lady Catherine de Bourgh, sir,” Thomas announced.

Darcy felt a twitch of irritation and surprise, but stood politely just before he heard a shrill —

“Fitzwilliam!”

“Lady Catherine.” He pulled out a chair for her and she sat in a huff.

It was nearly one in the morning. Darcy had been up finishing business letters and he was at a loss to fathom what had brought his aunt here at this hour.

She was angrily buttering the last scone from his midnight snack. He cleared his throat. “What brings you to Netherfield, ma’am?”

She flicked a glance at him and continued to punish the scone for its existence. “I heard you were in town.” She dropped the scone on the plate Thomas had placed in front of her. Darcy was, as ever, grateful for his foresight.

“I am always grateful to see you, but I fail to understand what brings you to call at such an hour. My host is not even awake.”

“Oh, Charles will live.” At least, Darcy thought, she understood the impoliteness of the situation. “I will be gone before breakfast; I just needed a moment to catch my breath.”

“From what, pray tell.” Darcy could not decide whether he should be phased by his aunt’s behavior.

She sighed her disgust. “I was at Longbourn —”

“What?”

“— seeking to put rest to the dreadful rumor of your engagement to Elizabeth Bennet.” She spat the name. Darcy could not breathe.

“Rumor?” he whispered. She did not hear him.

“Of course, I could not let such an idea stand! Such a thing would be disastrous for our reputations, with the state of the Bennet family being such as it is. And your engagement to Anne! So I expressed these sentiments to her, the inferiority of her birth, her sister’s scandalously patched-up marriage, the lot of it, then asked her to swear she was not and would not enter into such an engagement. Do you know what she said to me?”

“My lady aunt, please tell you didn’t.”

“She said ‘I will not, and I certainly never shall.’ Can you imagine! The insolence!”

Darcy’s heart rose to his throat. “She what?”

Lady Catherine completely misunderstood his shock. “Indeed! How dare she say such a thing to me. I had never been thus treated in my entire life!”

Darcy’s mind was racing. His aunt was still prattling on in the background, but all he heard was a reel of his most recent conversations with Elizabeth. All he saw was the brightness in her eyes when they had met at Longbourn just that afternoon. And, when he said he would not be staying, the slight sadness in her face he thought he had imagined. Could this mean . . .? Did he dare hope?

He tried to swallow his heart back down to where it belonged. It did not work. His aunt was still talking.

He stood with a start and cleared his throat. “Excuse me, ma’am. I’ll ensure Thomas arranges for a room for you and you driver.”

“Excu – “

He had already turned for the door and did not turn back. “Good night.”


	2. Luminous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> angst, angst, angst, angst, happy ending!
> 
> in which darcy thinks a lot and the writer closes a plothole left in her last chapter

Just as the door clicked shut behind him, the chiming of the clock in the hall reminded him that running to Longbourn immediately to talk to Elizabeth was not an option.

Yet, he could not go back in the study and listen to his aunt any longer.

He caught up to Thomas in the servant’s hall, reading a book.

“You did not have to wait up.”

Thomas smiled at him. “Ah, sir, but yes I did. I knew you would want to know if I had arranged a room for Lady Catherine. I have, and Beauregard has lodging as well.”

“Oh.” All the fire in Darcy had been drained by the one o’clock toll. “Well, thank you, Thomas. That will be all for the day.”

He smiled widened a little. “Thank you, sir. Have a good night.”

“You as well.” Darcy began the trudge back to his quarters.

As if moving through molasses, he ascended the two flights to the corner room Charles had saved for him. “It’s yours whenever you ask for it!” Charles had promised. That had been before they met Elizabeth.

Elizabeth Bennet. With her fine eyes and charming laughter. What sway she held over him. Just a sentence, uttered to someone else, and the whole foundation of his world was altered again. Darcy wished his aunt had come sooner, or later, so that he might not have to wait to seek out Elizabeth again.

Unless. He froze as he reached his door.

 _No,_ he thought to himself, entering the room. _I cannot do this again. She rejected me. She informed me very thoroughly of her opinion and I must lay it to rest._

As he divested himself of his evening attire and performed his nightly ablutions, he remembered again that touch of sadness in her eye from that afternoon. “So soon?” she had said. Between that encounter and his aunt’s arrival, he had successfully convinced himself he had imagined it. But, oh, how he wanted it to be true.

Never for Ms. Bennet to feel sad, but for the idea that his absence might have that effect. More specifically, he wanted there to be truth to what that might mean for her feelings on him.

To love and be loved by such a woman would be a heavenly thing. And, perhaps, if she did love him, then perhaps it might be easier to prevent her sadness in the future.

For he wanted, more than anything, for her to be happy. Since he had disappointed her so thoroughly last April and in the events leading up to it, he had done everything in his power to make her happiness complete. Yet he was not sure there was anything he could do to make amends for his insults, to make up for everything he had said and done out of pride and ill-deserved judgment. He had done so much wrong.

As he pulled his covers over him, he squeezed his eyes shut tight to block out the regret. Even if he could atone for his sins before God and the Bennets, how could he forgive himself?

And yet, it seemed like, perhaps, Elizabeth had forgiven him. He did not know how else to account for her response to his aunt.

_Surely that was just her being headstrong after a near-stranger had awoken her at an unforgiveable hour. This can have nothing to do with me._

When he opened his eyes again with a heavy breath, they held moisture in their corners. He had not been prepared to deal with this today.

He rolled over, determined not to think about it and to just fall asleep. Out the window he now faced was the courtyard in which he had helped her into the carriage after Charles’ ball. He remembered the warmth and gentle pressure of her hand. He remembered how he had been able to feel it in his for hours after. 

He rolled over again and continued to do so for several hours. He thought of her anger on that rainy April day. He thought of her wry humor as she made conversation while they danced in the ballroom of this very house. He thought of her effortless handling of his aunt’s prying when they had found each other at Rosings Park. He thought of seeing her out of the corner of his eye as he hugged Georgiana at Pemberley. With a huff, he remembered that he had thought her an apparition. The truth had been so much better.

Eventually, he lay on his back, eyes open to the ceiling above his head, his hands resting still over his stomach. At this point, he was sure every interaction they’d ever had had cycled through his mind’s eye.

The clock on the mantle showed it was nearly four. There was no point in staying in bed. He gave up on the notion of sleep and pulled on his day clothes. If he took an extremely circuitous path toward Longbourn, he would arrive at a reasonable hour. Perhaps the pre-dawn air would clear his mind.

And so it did. He walked first around the gardens of Netherfield and focused his mind on the day he’d come to view the place with Charles. He forced himself to walk twice around the pond about a mile down the road and thought of the fish it might hold. He took he steepest hill in the county just to focus on the burn in his thighs. He took the long way around every patch of farmland and thought of how good the crop might be that year. Luckily, weariness of body and mind had more of an effect on his pace than did his eagerness to reach his destination.

Eventually, he crested a hill about half a mile away from Longbourn. As dawn’s luminous fingers turned the sky a rosy pink, he spotted a familiar figure on the horizon.

**Author's Note:**

> no i have not seen this movie a thousand times and no this was not all from memory and whoever told you so is a lying liar i like this story a thoroughly normal amount
> 
> thanks for reading!


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